he hippy awoke about 14:00 and noticed that he was lying in the dingy corner of a particularly smelly spacecraft. He pulled his ever trusty can of BODYMIST IV from within his trousers and sprayed it liberally in the general direction of his armpits. It took a little over five minutes to totally deaden the area and several species of microbe were wiped out in the concentrated spray. The hippy tried to remember how he had got aboard this particularly nasty example of an interplanetary freighter. The last thing he remembered was a familiar feeling in his bowels and deciding to find a box of matches to see if he could light one. The resulting fireball obliterated what was left of planet Earth and propelled the hippy out into deep space where he was scooped up by a junk freighter in search of some salvage on the edge of an asteroid belt. The hippy decided to get out of the smell P.D.Q. because his stomach was beginning to object , and that's BAD! He stumbled through an open hatch into an equally dingy corridor. He couldn't make up his mind which way to go and so he sat down and looked up and down the corridor waiting for someone to come to him. Naturally enough the hippy was asleep within seconds.
When the hippy awoke he was lying on a cabbage encrusted floor, at least it looked like cabbage, green, dry and crinkly at any rate. He looked up and was greeted by a horrific sight, his socks were wet, clean and hung on a washing line, the three headed alien with multiple jaws and glowing red eyes was frightening as well. The hippy stood up in an amazing display of energy which nearly sent him to sleep again. He glared at the alien giving it his best Paddington hard stare. "Oh wow, you've washed my socks" he said. The alien looked sheepish, flippant and apathetic (remember it's got three heads). The sheepish head looked at the hippy and apologised sincerely.
"I'm eveer so sorry baaaa, we naaaaturaaally aaaasumed thaaat aaaall humaaaaaaans were neaaaat aaaand tidy baaaaa. So we waaaaashed you're clothes for you baaaa. Except the trousers thaaaaat is, they wouldn't come off for some reaaaason baaaaa." The flippant head butted the sheepish head to knock it out of commission. The apathetic head grinned then sank back into apathy studying a particularly interesting patch of damp on the inner hull. The hippy was mildly annoyed and grabbed his socks off of the line. They squealed in terror, but he put them on his feet so they calmed down. The flippant head leaned forward and gazed at the hippy, which was quite a feat seeing as it was cross eyed. "What do you taste like humanoid ?" it enquired in a sinister voice. "Probably baked beans in curry sauce" said the hippy honestly.
The creature reeled backwards coughing, the deodorising molecules attacking it's delicate nasal passages. The flippant head flew from side to side then came to rest as it's head imploded. The sheepish head awoke in time to see it's own demise, and the apathetic head just couldn't be bothered to die.The alien was dead but it didn't fall over standing eerily in the middle of the command room. The hippy looked around in wonder at the glittering array of lights and switches and knobs and dials and buttons and instruments and.......... "oh wow!". The hippy had located the stereo system. He turned it on full blast and spent the next twenty five minutes criticising the aliens choice of music and uttering sarcastic comments about their system compared to a Linn sondek and a Cyrus II amplifier. He was especially critical of the loudspeakers and their tendency to keep blaring out "DANGER SHIP IS NEARING ASTEROID BELT PLEASE TAKE IMMEDIATE EVASIVE ACTION", he thought that this was most detrimental to the sound quality of the system.
There was a large thud and the command room of the space ship was suddenly a lot smaller, most of it being filled with asteroid. The hippy stepped back onto the control switch for the escape module. A pair of mechanical hands dropped down, grabbed him by the shoulders and whisked him up into the escape pod. He was shoved into a podule which was suddenly very cold. Just as he was dropping off, the hippy was dimly aware of a smell of plastic and increased pressure on his legs. The podule's bolts detonated and it thrust away from the spaceship, right into the middle of the asteroid belt. The podule was by now encased in rapidly hardening plastic resin, hence whenever it hit an asteroid it bounced away harmlessly into another section of space.
The hippy spent twelve years being bounced around the asteroid belt until eventually he was propelled out of the opposite side and was flung out into even deeper space.
Meanwhile back on the spaceship the apathetic head detached itself from the rest of the body and wandered down to the cargo bay on some rapidly growing legs. It walked around a bit until it found a spaceship that the freighter had recovered from the asteroid belt. It was a bit battered, but nevertheless spaceworthy. The alien climbed in and initiated the thrusters. It blasted a hole in the freighters hull and thrust out into the asteroid belt. Turning it blasted the freighter as well in an act of senseless violence to help the ratings. The alien navigated it's way out of the asteroid belt straight into a galactic patrol that shot it out of the sky on the grounds that it was unable to produce any galactic insurance documents or a valid space pilots license.
The hippy hung in space in much the same way breeze blocks don't and was lucky enough to be pulled into orbit by a friendly planet. Many years passed by until one day a starship detected the podule and beamed it aboard.
The captain, the science officer, the doctor, the chief engineer and two security guards overlooked the operation as the podule materialised in the transporter room and two minions (who by the way they were dressed were bound to die in the next two minutes) set about trying to revert the podules solid plastic resin to it's natural state. They needn't have bothered, for in the heat of the transporter room the resin began to melt. Slowly the hippies form became apparent and then suddenly his eyes flickered open.There was an immense look of surprise on his face, "oh wow!". The captain stepped forward and extended a hand.
"Hello, welcome aboard, I am captain James.T..."
"KIRK, yes I know bubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubbubb" said the hippy, and touched the captain on the nose. The captain looked very surprised.
"I don't believe we've met, my name is captain James.T.Bwyers"
The hippy didn't seem to have taken notice as he went bubbubbubbing along the line of ships personnel touching their noses. The captain looked around nervously, the two minions had been in the scene far too long, they should have died by now, what was wrong with the script ? Nothing, for suddenly the hippy was wrenched from his feet and the two socks jumped off of the afore mentioned smelly objects and ran screeching across the deck towards the two minions. The two socks hurled themselves into the air and wrapped themselves around the minions throats, throttling them. Then they chose one of the bodies and jumped on it's feet. With their accumulated power they ran from the transporter room dragging the body along with them.
"Oh wow!"
The captain looked bemused. The hippy always looked like that. The science officer offered a suggestion but it was far too sick to print so they flung the hippy in gaol instead.