//\\ H I P P Y S T O R Y P A R T 6 //\\

astard Semihippy was miffed.

"I'm miffed" said the Bastard Semihippy.

"That bloody Hippy and that pool of blue gray Sludge that follows him around everywhere have thwarted my plans to ruin the economy of the planet, by spending more money than there is available on stupid useless items and knick-knacks. I shall have to take revenge."

The Bastard Semihippy took a long cool drink of flavoured milk, his body chemistry reacting with the E numbers. He sat back, his body shaking through muscle tremors. "I'll get them, and I know exactly how to do it..."

Inspector Jethro looked blankly at the pile of paperwork on his desk. He was a little bit distracted in his work as his pet cat had been taken in to the vets with a suspected case of food poisoning. Inspector Jethro was sure that it had been caused by a roast pigeon that his cat had somehow managed to acquire. The inspector was dimly aware of the telephone ringing, and that it was causing his head to ache quite severely. He walked over to the filing cabinet and took out his bottle of Southern Comfort. Taking two Paracetamol he downed a generous glass of the warming fluid. He smiled for the first time in two weeks. He picked up the telephone.

"Hello, whaddyawant ?"

"Jethro, get to headquarters now !"

The phone went dead. Inspector Jethro couldn't be bothered to bury it and so he had it cremated in a quiet ceremony attended by himself and some close relatives. He picked up the cellnet telephone and dialled. A familiar voice rang through the earpiece.

"Yessir!" said the voice. Inspector Jethro could hear the heels click, even over the telephone.

"PC MadChris, would you kindly meet me at headquarters in about twenty minutes"

There was a pause at the other end of the line followed by a high pitched scream and a variety of other strange noises. "Yessir!" said PC MadChris, and the telephone went dead.

Inspector Jethro wished his telephones wouldn't keep dying as he watched the cellnet being lowered into the shallow grave. He wandered in the direction of a bar to drink a few fond farewells. A few fond farewells later and inspector Jethro realised that he was meant to be at headquarters.

He staggered out of the bar and jumped into his car. He bounced off the door and fell rolling onto the pavement. He stood up and this time he opened the door first. He rammed his foot on the accelerator but nothing happened.He looked down confused. Then he remembered that he had to put the keys in and start the engine first. He un-clipped his keys from his belt and flicked through them one by one until he could find the car key. This took five minutes, and eventually he was careering down the road. Twenty yards later he pulled up outside headquarters and jumped out of the car. He fell back onto the passenger seat and tried again, this time opening the door first.

Inspector Jethro staggered into the lift with a glazed expression on his face, he made a mental note to have it chipped away as soon as it had dried. PC MadChris was already waiting for him in the lift.

"Evening inspector Jethro sir!" his heel clicked as he stood to attention.

Inspector Jethro turned and stared at him bleary eyed.

"Oh! Hiya MadChrish, what are you doing (hic!) here ?"

"You asked me to meet you here sir !"

"Oh yesh, sho I did, we're going to shee the bosh!"

PC MadChris twitched slightly. There was awe in his voice.

"The Bosh !"

Inspector Jethro slowly sank to his knees.

"The Boshh..."

The Hippy stared blankly at the pile of paperwork on his desk. There was a rose, a tree, a paper aeroplane, a dog whose tounge moved, an ashtray and a bird whose wings flapped when you pulled its tail. The Hippy was currently in the process of folding a 750TURBO.

The author yawned. "Fold A under C, pull out to D, bend under E, tie in a knot around F and G, turn over at H, fold along line I-J, nip out cut K, clip off end L, fold M, double fold N, pull tag O, insert into orifice P, pull through to Q, add paper clip R to point S, fold over T, bend U and V to meet at point W, fold over point X and pull tag Y."

The crumpled up piece of paper didn't look too much like a motorbike. In fact it looked more like a sociology essay. The Hippy looked to Sludge for guidance a confused look on his face. Sludge didn't notice the difference and ignored him.

The Bosh looked at inspector Jethro.

"Ye drunken bas-tard man."

"Yesh Bosh" replied inspector Jethro, looking longingly at the drinks cabinet.

"Way-yae-man PC MadChris, take 'im beloo and put 'im in me private shooer.

That'll cool the daft bugger doon and hopefully sober 'im oop"

"Yessir" said PC MadChris, not quite understanding exactly what she had said.

When inspector Jethro was able to convincingly fake the fact that he was sober, he once again went to face the Bosh. "What wash it you wanted to see me about maam ?" said the inspector.

"Way-yae-man I want ye to get yer arse doon to that suburban hoose that that daft Hippy uses as a base. Yool be co-operatin' with 'im on this case."

The inspector looked at her blankly.

"What cashe ?"

"Way-yae-man all the telephoons are dyin".

Inspector Jethro had this nagging feeling that he had missed something somewhere, but decided not to mention it.

"How will I find this 'base' that the Hippy uses ?' "Way-yae-man 's easy all ye have to do is look for the hoose with a bloody great oily motorbike outside the front!"

PC MadChris rang the doorbell. There was a clanking sound mixed with the sound of somebody limping to the door. It opened slowly. A short man looked up at PC MadChris.

"Yeah ?"

"Er...Is this the residence of the Hippy"

"No, I'm Barry Sheen, piss off"

The door slammed in PC MadChris'es face.

The Hippy talked to inspector Jethro. Inspector jethro was desperately trying not to throw up, but everytime he looked at the dayglow Y-Fronts, he couldn't help feeling ill. PC MadChris sat studying the crumpled piece of paper and the instruction sheet.

He turned it over. "Finally, push point Z into hull of paper model." PC MadChris picked up the crumpled piece of paper and pushed the point as indicated. He let out a cry of surprise that brought the Hippy over in one bound.

"Oh wow!" said the Hippy.

"It looks just like a 750TURBO" said PC MadChris.

Inspector Jethro had fallen asleep. The Hippy Yawned.