Move yourself, you always live your life
Never thinking of the future
Prove yourself, you are the move you make
Take your chances win or loser
See yourself, you are the steps you take
You and you and that's the only way
Shake, shake yourself, you're every move you make
So the story goes
(Rabin,Anderson,Squire,Horn 1983)
H I P P Y S T O R Y P A R T 1 0 H I P P Y S T O R Y P A R
T 1 0
H I P P Y S T O R Y P A R T 1 0 H I P P Y S T O R Y P A R T 1 0
H I P P Y S T O R Y P A R T 1 0 H I P P Y S T O R Y P A R T 1 0
he hippy awoke from his dream and realised that he was lying in a cave. It was nevertheless a very comfortable cave. The subtlety inflexed music and lyrics of Iron Maiden wafted into his ears. He didn't notice. The Hermit kicked him in the dayglow underwear.
"Wake up you lazy bastard boyo !"
The hippy awoke slowly - as usual. The Hermit wandered over to the pot where a strange thick yellow liquid was brewing.
"Would you like some rock-custard strange stranger boyo !"
The hippy was dimly aware of the playful noise of sheep in the background.
"Oh wow! Am I in London ?"
"No, you're in Wales boyo !"
The hippy wandered dazed over to the cooking pot. He tentatively stuck his finger in and tried the rock-custard.
"It needs more curry powder" he said.
Inspector Jethro glared at PS MadChris.
"When I said turn right, I meant turn right at the next exit, not turn right now."
The unmarked car was stranded half way up the bank at the side of the northbound carriageway of the M1. PS MadChris looked a little sheepish, then stopped looking sheepish just in case Dodgy Dave was within twenty miles of their present position. Inspector Jethro grabbed the radio and made a call through to headquarters. The Bosh was quick to pick up the radio.
"Way-yae-man, where are ye now ?"
"We are halfway up the northbound bank of the M1, between Birmingham and Wolverhampton." "Way-yae-man, Brummieland!! I'll send in a tactical support group immediately."
"Well, it's not all that bad, a tow truck and a drink would be fine."
"Way-yae-man, ye cannae take any chances wi' them Brummies!"
Inspector Jethro did not have much time to wait. The TSG arrived within minutes of the Boshes call. They roared up in their supercharged van and scaled the bank with expert efficiency. The stranded car was surrounded and a police cordon was set up with a fifty yard radius. Commander Biggles crept up to the door and placed the small charge just below the handle. He had shaped the plastic explosive precisely as was required. It was shaped like a ring, the blast in theory simply blowing a hole in the door. Commander Biggles ran back to the cordon and hit the firing switch.
The hippy jumped into the air hitting his head on the ceiling. The Hermit eyed him up suspiciously.
"I told you not to put that much curry powder in the rock-custard boyo!"
The two scouts emerged from the crater and reported directly to commander Biggles.
"No survivors Sah!"
"What about the car ?"
"What car ?"
"The car that was sat there forty seconds ago."
The scout held up a mangled VW badge.
"I see...maybe I should have used just a little less plastic."
The wind changed direction and brought the smoke from the twenty foot crater wafting over the TSG encampment. Commander Biggles looked towards the crater pensively. Two solitary figures emerged from the smoke, coughing and spluttering. The first walked up to commander Biggles.
"Biggles! I short of knew you'd be the guy they shent to give ush pro..protectshion!"
"Inspector Jethro, well well well, pissed as usual" Inspector Jethro casually brushed the comment aside.
"We've been having a little drink in the Happyeater over the motorway there." Commander Biggles looked at PS MadChris and gave him a curt nod. He then turned back to inspector Jethro.
"I'm led to believe that you are in command." Inspector Jethro suddenly registered the fact that someone was talking to him.
"Thash right, lets get up to Wirral!" Four TSG commandos jumped out of thin air and grabbed PS MadChris and Inspector Jethro. They threw them into the back of the van and roared off up the M1.
Bastard Semihippy was involved in a completely useless waste of time, he was trying to explain to the wandering minstrel where he was, and where he was meant to be. The hippy was also involved in a useless waste of time.
"Oh wow!" said the hippy.
"I shall fix your motorbike for you boyo !"
"Oh wow!" said the hippy.
"But it will cost you boyo." "Oh wow!" said the hippy.
"Sludge" said sludge, explaining that the hippy was really pleased about this and that he was also quite interested in what the terms were. Sludge also stated in this phrase that the hippy wasn't so much stupid as exceedingly dim.
"The terms of my fixing your bike for you are as follows boyo!"
"Oh wow!" said the hippy.
"I want..." [Piece of dramatic music in minor key] ".
..a five foot by two foot door poster of Lisa Dominique wearing not very much at all dye boyo!"
"Oh............." said the hippy forgetting to finish the sentence.
(This is a competition, fill in the missing word or words and complete the tie breaker sentence in no more than twelve million words: "I think the universe is big because --- " Then phone this number:(01)541 3354 and ask for NIGEL. Say "Mirith Narok Clookinkara Hurninga Moorgarth Klark!" slam the phone down, phone this number: (0101)6879 2247 and ask for RONNIE, then give your answers to the question. Your reward will be a nice warm glow after about four minutes).
The supercharged TSG van roared down the road to the Wirral police headquarters. Inspector Jethro jumped out of the back of the van and made his way to the desk. "I want to speak to the man in charge !"
A whining voice drifted in from beyond the desk.
"I'm in charge here, what do you want."
Inspector Jethro replied carefully.
"I'm here on urgent business from the Bosh in London, it concerns Bastard Semihippy IV."
The owner of the voice minced up to the desk.
"Oh, I see. My name is captain..."
Inspector Jethro had recognised him at once.
"T J Hooker, yes I saw the series !"
"...Bwyers, how do you do."
Inspector Jethro motioned for commander Biggles to come forward.
"This is commander Biggles of the TSG, his men are all ready to go, so I suggest we start the search for the Bastard immediately!" For two days the combined police forces of Wirral and the TSG scoured Birkenhead and surrounding areas for any telltale signs of the Bastard semihippy, such as:Green motorbike/hairdryers; Electronics shops that had had all of their stock bought up; Music shops that had sold out of Fender Stratocaster pins. The net was closing, though the Bastard semihippy remained blissfully ignorant of this fact.
The hippy was blissfully ignorant. The Hermit sat back and admired his work. It had taken two days to create, but the effort was well worth it. The five-foot by two foot poster of Lisa Dominique wearing not very much at all David, was taking pride of place on a section of the cave wall that was free from rising damp. The hippy was amazed. "Oh wow! you've created a 750TURBO (yawwn) gleaming red and black magic brick!" The Hermit grinned.
"Yes boyo!"
The hippy had managed to lose his last magic brick in-between HIPPYSTORY part5 and HIPPYSTORY part6. He jumped up and sat on it. It gave slightly under his weight. He waved at the Hermit and went roaring off into the distance.
Inspector Jethro grabbed the megaphone.
"Okay Bastard, we've got you surrounded, give yourself up while we're still in a good mood!"
Commander Biggles grabbed the megaphone from inspector Jethro.
"If you give yourself up now, we promise not to beat you up!...much."
Captain Bwyers grabbed the megaphone from commander Biggles.
"You can't stay in there fowever you know. Weally, you have no choice but to give yourself up, suwwender !"
Commander Biggles quickly surveyed his men, they were all in position. He turned to inspector Jethro.
"O.K. we'll give him five minutes and then storm the house."
1> Completely blank
2> Kingston upon Hogsmill
3> Solihull (Manchester)
4> Newcastle upon Thames
5> Wirral (Norfolk)
6> Villiers Road, connected to Oxford Street W1 and Lands End Drive
7> Wales (Highlands only)
8> Sellafield and other parts of Dorset
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